DM Coaching and Development

Even the Most Professional Female Can Fall Prey to "Impostor Phenomenon"

I was recently reading a piece in Nature called "Unmasking the Imposter" about the "Imposter Phenomenon", which is the self doubt that makes us feel unqualified and doubtful of our abilities. This crushing self doubt is in spite of reaching significant intellectual milestones ranging from advanced degrees to professional awards - career women often cannot internalize their success or convince themselves they deserve it. As described  in the article which focuses on women in science: "Numerous achievements, which one might expect to provide ample objective evidence of superior intellectual functioning, do not appear to affect the impostor belief." The article, while written for a scientific audience is useful for it's tips of how to develop self confidence, and lessen the feeling that you will be "found out by colleagues" as many of my executive coaching clients initially feel. 

Ask for Help or Forever Be the Helpmate

Tomorrow night, in conjunction with Women in Technology, I am leading a workshop on the "Art of  Delegation", - one the trickiest lessons we women have to learn. Much of the executive coaching for women I do revolves around stress management dealing with work life balance. Many women th take great pride in managing everything from their careers, to their children's schedules, the running of their house, to the maintenance of social relationships single-handedly and without any help. It is almost a badge of honour to say you have no help. However, self-reliance when taken to the extreme of many working women, can cause a sense of isolation that is neither helpful in the home or workplace. How often have you heard  yourself say "it's just easier if I do it myself". Well it may be the first time, but if you invested the time in asking for help and giving guidance on how to do the task, it surely will take less effort on the second and all subsequent occasions.

Men ask for help and don't take it as a sign of personal failure. Before you do the next task "Am I the only one who can do this? Or, "Can I train someone and delegate it?" If you try to do everything yourself, you will never have time to do the things you are actually good at and enjoy doing. For example, I could do my own accounts - but realised early one that it would be far better to employ a specialist who will be more accurate, takes less time and probably saves me money! She loves the nitty-gritty of bookkeeping and sees each spreadsheet as a puzzle and that enthusiasm makes her a great asset to my business, leaving me time to do the things that I actually enjoy like speaking, writing and one to one coaching. What do you want to do more of and what can others do better than you, if you just asked for help?

A Supportive Partner - Worth Their Weight in Gold

While over Xmas I am enjoying a well-earned break with my biggest fan, my husband, Geoff. He is a great source of support and humour when I am taking myself too seriously and getting uptight. Sound familiar, ladies?  Luckily I am not alone. In the interviews with successful women in male-dominated fields for my upcoming book, I am reassured by how many women have supportive partners who are either stay at home fathers or who have less high profile roles than their wives and girlfriends. It is almost as if that to be successful, you need a supportive other in the wings - something generations of men have known. Avon, the cosmetic company, did a global study of 30,000 women in 33 countries. It found that a supportive spouse or partner was considered to be the most important factor for success in starting a business. For me, Geoff is extremely supportive in my career - we met shortly before I started my Ph.D at Cambridge and so he knew a professional career would likely always be important to me.

He knows how much I value my work and is not threatened by my success, often telling others about my work and how coaching has been useful to him personally and professionally. The irony is that we have recently come out of a period where he was away for work many evenings each week. As he has deliberately taken a more 9-5 position, our roles have reversed and he shows the understanding he came to expect from me earlier in our relationship. What has having a supportive partner given you?

Seek Out the Scary Challenges

  One thing I have noticed about the successful women I am interviewing for my upcoming book, is how many of them have not only accepted tough assignments, but actually sought them out. It's the extreme version of "feel the fear and do it anyway" but if you are intimidated by a certain task - public speaking, accounting, presenting to clients, running a marathon that is a great indication what you would gain by surmounting the challenge. I grew up thinking I was not good at maths. I needed special tutorials and my mum would frequently say ( as a means of reassuring me, I know) that "we Doyle's were just not cut out for maths". And I believed it... and I avoided maths for years. When I got to design my thesis project at the University of Cambridge, I was given the option of collecting my data qualitatively or quantitatively. The martyr in me chose the quantitative route and used statistical analysis. Whilst I had moments of thinking "what did I get myself in to?" when trying to get my head around Anova's and regression analysis, the feeling of achievement and confidence that came with having my thesis accepted - statistics and all, was one of the highlights of my career. What challenge are you avoiding? What would you get if you took it on?    

Secret to Financial Success? Focus on your Values First

When Barbara Stanny interviewed 150 high earning women for her book "Secrets of Six Figure Women" she found a common thread between them that was their main driver. She writes "Each one had a vision for her life based on cherished values like recognition, security, challenge or independence. These intangible goals, more than hard cash, provided the fuel for their financial success. Money became the by-product of their value-based ambition and, simultaneously, gave them more opportunities to live out their authentic values....Almost every woman I interviewed expressed a genuine longing to live life on her own terms, and that desire - be it for autonomy or achievements, for happiness or fame - imbued her with a well spring of raw energy that kept pushing her higher and higher. Otherwise, as several found out, striving solely for money is like a steady diet of pizza or pastry. After a while, you are left craving for more".  As someone who works one to one with successful women, I couldn't agree more. What is your core value and how it is showing up in your career?    

Wall Street Journal Says Future Bright for Women's Leadership

  In a recent article on where women's representation in leadership roles stand in the US, the Wall Street Journal, indicated the economic downturn may usher in new opportunities for women to lead. "Until now, our economy has been focused on the quicker, faster, stronger model of making money." says Elissa Ellis-Sangster, director of the Forté Foundation, a consortium of corporations, nonprofits, and business schools working to increase the number of female leaders. "In contrast, women are good consensus leaders. They're good team leaders. Given what's happened, those collaborative, look-at-the-problem-from-all-sides skills are going to be especially prized." What's more, a meta-analysis published in the journal Psychological Bulletin has shown that women are not only more likely to use these leadership styles, but also that such approaches have proven most effective. It seems there is hope for more women in leadership roles yet! 

Need at Least 3 Executive Women to Outperform Competitors

People often ask me about the business case for increasing women's representation at senior levels. I am glad to hear about yet more evidence as to how companies benefit from diverse management. A recent McKinsey and Company report shows that organisational performance increases sharply once a threshold of at least three women on management committees with an average membership of 10 people is reached. Significantly, where companies have an influential female presence on their executive committees, and more than two women on the board, they outperform their competitors in terms of return on equity, operating profit and stock price growth. That ought to excite corporate boards and make them realise that equal representation is more than a "feel-good"goal.  

What Motivates You? Look to your Past

Sometimes I work with people on helping them find motivation in their job that they may have lost. Or indeed, perhaps they are looking to make a career change but are unsure what factors are most important to them. One exercise we may do is to look for a pattern in our past achievements as a method in finding what may motivate us in the future. Interested? Do this exercise over a coffee break and prepare to be enlightened!

1. Divide your life up until this point into thirds.
2. During each of these thirds, name some of your accomplishments; things you enjoyed doing, did well - the only rule is that it is something you did - not something you watched others do. For example, it could be collecting girl-guide badges, writing an award-winning essay, refinishing a piece of furniture, winning a debate tournament or learning to cook pasta sauce from scratch.
3. Try to come up with at least 3 accomplishments for each time period.
4. Look at the experiences and look for patterns. What skills, interests, rewards or kinds of relationships are repeated? What you find is your motivational pattern and should indicate what kind of work you should be seeking. If you enjoyed debating and speaking to large groups of people, but you currently spend most of your time at a computer, then you can see why you are so unhappy - and what needs to change.

Looking for a New Career? Seek Feedback from Others.

Some of my clients are seeking major career changes but are completely unsure about which direction to take. Sometimes, rather than engage in circular thinking about all their potential options, it pays to enlist the opinions of those you trust. Don't just ask "What do you think I should do?' as that is too open-ended and answers are not likely to get at the crux of what you want.

Rather, I would suggest asking 4 or 5 people - family and friends, previous or current colleagues or mentors -  people who know you well and whose opinion you respect to answer the following 4 questions in a written format so you can look for patterns.

1. What do you think I need in a job?
2. What do you see in me that I may not see in myself?
3. What kind of environment do you think I would enjoy?
4. What do you see as my most marketable skills and personality strengths? 

What Kind of Team Player are You?

Imagine it is your last day at work. You are going to be honoured with a special plaque ( as well as a slap-up lunch!) - but let's focus on your plaque. The plaque has just two sentences on it underneath your name - one written by your colleagues, one by your boss. What would each sentence say? What are the special qualities you bring to your team? How happy are you with that description? What does that say about you - and about your place within the team? What do you need to do to be happy with it? From both your boss' and colleagues' perspective?